This Is A Place Where I Don't Feel Alone[Derek]

[Isaac Lahey]

Where do we go from here?
Why's my heart filled with so much fear?
When all that you are is all I need and more



- - - - - - - - - - - -

Isaac felt weird trying to tell Derek about the dream. He felt like it was going to come and pull him back to dream land, back to the nightmares. It scared him a bit, but he knew they were just dreams. He had seen his father's dead body. He had all the papers and the empty house as a reminder of the loss of his last family member. His dad wasn't coming back. Sure, the Alphas were a real threat, but his dad wasn't. There shouldn't be a reason to fear him anymore. But he knew there was still a small part that feared him coming back from the dead. After all, Peter had.

"I know." He knew his father couldn't hurt him. And Isaac wanted to associate it with the twins as well. That they'll kill the twins and Ethan won't be able to hurt him either. But he listened to Derek, wanting to believe in every word he said. He knew that words could hurt, words could lie. But still he wanted to believe in them. "Some days I don't feel strong." Like right now. He felt weak and vulnerable and it was a feeling he hated. But his wolf told his he could trust Derek. His wolf was as shaken up as him but was calmed by the Alpha being so close. It was the only thing helping to calm him down.

Isaac shook his head and reached out hesitantly to grab a hold of Derek's hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. "You haven't failed me. Bad things happen. There are some things we can't cure. But you being here... You're a good Alpha, Derek." Because you haven't abandoned me, Isaac wanted to say but couldn't bring himself to do so.

Isaac nodded quietly and glanced down at his fingers. He was quiet as Derek tended to the wounds, but his mind was racing. It was only a matter of time before death came to claim him. He escaped it every day for so long while with his father. Perhaps this really was it. Besides, the pack was growing and he was pretty sure that it was a struggle to support so many.

Besides, death would end the nightmares. His dad, the alphas, they wouldn't be able to reach him there. He would be free. None of this would matter any more. And he couldn't even bring himself to tell all of this to Derek. To explain that it really would be alright. That he was a little bit afraid of dying, but he would be alright with it. Because then nothing would be able to hurt him ever again.

Isaac wanted to wince at the thought of getting stitched up, and he did. "It's okay, Derek." Isaac took a deep breath. "You don't have to." He wanted all of this to stop. He wanted all of this to end. The nightmares, his dad haunting him, the endless injuries.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTES: Sorry it sucks.
MUSIC: "Safe and Sound" - Taylor Swift

[Derek Hale]

Derek wishes he knew what Isaac was thinking when he told him about the dreams. If he only knew the young beta’s fears maybe, he could reassure him that his father wasn’t coming back. Derek didn’t want him to continue to have these horrible nightmares. He’d do whatever he could to help him. Isaac was his first Beta really the one that the bite stuck too and one of the ones he feels most responsible for and the need to protect. Sure, he has the need to protect all of them, but this one especially and even more now that he is sat here all torn to shreds partially by himself and partially by the alpha pack and Derek can’t believe he was so blind and didn’t sense the smell earlier. He couldn’t figure out why he was bleeding. Isaac had told him that he knew the man he called his father couldn’t hurt him anymore and Derek nodded, and was glad he did know that, but he wished that he could make the dreams of the man go away too. Derek really believed they’d rid of the alpha problem. He wished they’d just move on, but they haven’t yet. Derek knew his mother could have got them to leave, but she was gone. How he wished that he could talk to her, ask her what to do at a time like this. Sure, he had Peter’s help, but he couldn’t trust him not as if he could his mother… part of that tugged at his heart and he really did hope they’d win this. Derek had tried to reassure Isaac and Derek really wanted to rip this Ethan’s throat out for hurting Isaac.

Derek also had told Isaac how his dream was lies and not to listen to them and how his brother would be proud of him. Derek himself was proud of him, and he has come alone way since the day he had met him. Isaac had told Derek he doesn’t always feel strong. Derek knew he was strong he made it threw so much you needed a strong mentality to make it threw all the Beta before him has been threw. Derek studied the wounds some more as he spoke to him. “Isaac, it is okay not to be strong all the time. It is what we are here for pack takes care of pack. It is okay to admit you need help sometimes. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” he didn’t know if he was ashamed or not. “It’s okay to fall into someone and let them take care of you.” Sure Derek isn’t a key example of ‘letting people take care of him’ it is a reflex of being alone for that short while, but he used to let his sister take care of him. She’d baby him, he was okay with it, and he’d submit willingly to her touch. She felt safe and as if she were home even though their home was gone and he hoped one day, Isaac would indeed see it was okay to be weak and vulnerable and let someone help as long as it’s not the enemy. Derek had reached out a hand and ran it threw Isaac’s hair brushing his fingers threw the curls trying to sooth him some and relax him more and after a while stopped.

Derek had thought he failed him especially not finding a way to make the dreams go away and tonight’s was worse then that one he had to shake him away from. Isaac has reached out a hand hesitantly, and grabbed Derek’s giving it a squeeze and Derek returned the gesture and listened to the young Beta’s words. There are something they surely cannot cure, but he wished that he could. He wished nightmares would go away. He himself even has them many of the times. “Thank you for saying that. It means a lot.” It does. At least someone thought he was being a good alpha and doing something right even if he himself thinks he is shit at it. He always seems to have good intensions, but things fail always. ” My door is always open. No matter how silly things may seem you can come to me.” He wanted Isaac to know that. He wanted him to feel comfortable. He had known some of the time Isaac would head down here, but turn back… Derek could sense the movements all around the house. Derek tended to his wounds the best that he could, but they were still bleeding some and not in the good way either. He didn’t know what was going threw Isaac’s head. He wasn’t going to let him die. He couldn’t he had been very gentle cleaning the wounds, Black blood was swimming in the dish with the rag he placed on the floor.

Derek told him he’d have to stitch some of these up. They weren’t healing and there had to be a reason why it had to be in his head maybe? Derek wasn’t sure. He knew and alpha scratch would take longer, but the self-inflicted ones would heal usually. He could see Isaac wince at being told that he’d have to stitch them up. The deep ones especially. Isaac told him it was okay, and that he didn’t have to. That made Derek chew on his lip, biting so hard it drew, blood a little bit how could he tell him it wasn’t okay and that if he doesn’t he’d possibly die, and Derek couldn’t let him die. He refused to do so. He had to try it and hope they’d heal. He couldn’t lose him. Derek had lost most of his family, and to lose the one that took to the bit first would break him. The thought of him possibly dying weighted heavy on his chest, and Derek sighed. “But I have too.” He had told Isaac looking at him. Death was a smell that filled the air in here. Derek wondered if Isaac could smell it on himself. Derek placed a hand on his thigh and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Your life may depend on it and I told you. I wasn’t going to let you die.” he wouldn’t not with out a fight. Derek would rather he himself die then Isaac dying he’d die for any one his beta’s any day. He wanted to tell him that he couldn’t lose him too… but the words couldn’t seem to form on his lips, but he hoped he knew that by the way Derek was so adamant on saving him.

Derek wanted him to have a normal life as best as possible and be a teenager. Dying tonight wasn’t an option. “ And there is nothing okay with just letting you die without trying anything.” If they all lived threw the alpha pack there would be so much more to learn and be taught. Derek patted his leg where he was squeezing, and headed over to his dresser to rummage threw the first aid kit with the sewing stuff and things he’d need inside, and placing it on the bed… Part of him wondered if breaking the some bones would trigger the wounds to heal. “ I have one other idea how to help you heal, but I don’t want to have to do the other option..” Derek didn’t want to say what it was unless he asked. Derek went into his closet, rummaging on the shelf up top and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and a lighter, before heading back over to the bed. He wanted to see what Isaac thought of the bottle it wasn’t really to drink, but to sterilize the needle and wounds.

Notes :: Omg it so did not suck…the first time I read it. I got teary eyed for real’s with how Isaac thought dying was okay and how maybe it would be good since Derek is supporting all the others that it maybe good. I seriously got teary reading that. Derek will so do whatever it takes to save him. I hope this is okay? Let me know?

[Isaac Lahey]

Where do we go from here?
Why's my heart filled with so much fear?
When all that you are is all I need and more



- - - - - - - - - - - -

Isaac felt a little uncomfortable, but he could ignore it. It was from remembering the dreams. He just wanted them to go away. Part of him wanted to forget. They seemed to plague him when he hit his lowest point. And, right now, he hit his lowest point. He wasn't even sure if he would recover from this. He knew he would have to. He couldn't show weakness. But he was just so tired of fighting everything.

He just quietly listened to Derek speak. The other's voice was calming. It cleared his foggy mind. He wasn't even sure when he became foggy, or why it was becoming foggy. It hurt and he was just so tired. He just wanted to open his mouth and tell Derek he wasn't strong. He wanted to tell the Alpha he made a mistake in biting him. That he was a failure. But he kept his mouth shut. He was already causing enough trouble for Derek.

Isaac never once thought Derek was a bad Alpha. There were times when he got frustrated with Derek, sure. But, in the end, Derek was his Alpha. Derek was trying to fill roles that he couldn't. Isaac understood. The elder male was just trying his best to be what they all needed. He couldn't fault him for that. No. It just gave Isaac more reason to try to not worry Derek. He had enough to worry about. He was just another thing for Derek to worry about. And Isaac didn't want to be a burden.

Isaac watched Derek. He was quiet, but coughs quickly racked his body. Shivers ran through him as he actually felt a chill. He licked his lips though there was the worst taste on his tongue, black smearing across them. He just rubbed the back of his hand across his lips. His mind just couldn't process why Derek was even trying. He knew that he could die being a werewolf. But being turned had given him a life he hadn't imagined.

"I was happy," he swallowed hard. "to be turned. I didn't have to be afraid to live." He couldn't remember when he wasn't afraid to wake up every morning. Waking every morning, hopeful his dad would change, but by every evening he knew life would never change, then wake up the next morning hopeful once again. He now knew that death would be what he had to fear. But part of him found it slightly peaceful. He would get to go be with Cam. And maybe his dad would have changed. Maybe mom would be with them.

"I'm not... afraid to die." There was no spike in his heartbeat. Actually, he believed this would be best. This would be right for Derek. He wouldn't have to worry about him. He wouldn't burden the pack. There'd be no more nightmares. There'd be no pain. The Alpha pack couldn't use him to get to Derek. Everything would just end. He wondered if it would be peaceful. His eyes felt heavy and he fought the urge to close them, coughing more into his hand.

Isaac couldn't come up with a reason that dying was bad.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTES: This is what happens when we mix my depression and the song "Falling".
MUSIC: "Falling" - The Civil Wars

[Derek Hale]

Derek couldn’t know all the thoughts running threw Isaac’s head if he did he would have told Isaac that he isn’t a burden. Sure Derek was trying to fill certain roles for all of them that he can’t handle, but he was doing his best to help them all and teach them to survive and live and he knew if they all stuck together they could get threw this Alpha threat. Derek wasn’t sure why they were really here, but knew they could get threw this he had faith that they could. Perhaps it made him a fool. He didn’t know. Derek had to attempt to save Isaac. He wasn’t going to give up. He couldn’t. Just like he’d die before he’d let Isaac die. He couldn’t lose him. It just wasn’t right. He wanted the young boy to live and enjoy life and he knew Isaac would endure and become an amazing well-trained beta. He is one that always did whatever Derek asked of him and was very loyal and he knew that would make some person very happy one day.

He had so much more life to live and one day they would get it so that his dreams would stop bothering him. Derek would learn how to make them forget the things they wanted to forget so that one day they could all just live and be happy. It was all Derek had wanted really for all of them for them all too just be happy, have each other, and have family. It was one thing Derek missed. He missed his family and now these Beta’s of his first it was all about power and protection, but he somewhere along the line fell in love with each and every one of them and they are his family and he wasn’t going to give up on them and especially not the one that was dying before him. They may not understand just yet that losing a pack member isn’t like losing ones close family or family in their eyes. Like the family members, Isaac had lost. It is more then that it is like losing a part of you, Derek wasn’t ready to let go, and he’d try anything.

Rummaging in the closet, he could hear Isaac coughing and winced scrunching up his nose, and could smell the black secretion as he coughed. Derek could practically feel his shivers deep within his bones just like Scott could feel Erica seizing and Derek knew Isaac was getting worse. Derek had gotten all the stuff he had needed from the closet… Booze. It wasn’t as if they could get drunk or anything, but he didn’t want it where any of them could see it especially Pierson and Lilith. He didn’t want them to get into it and drink it. It would be bad. Derek came back, cracking open the bottle cap open and sitting it on the floor, kneeling in front of him so that he can look at him and listen to his words as he spoke. Derek was told by Isaac he was happy to be turned and that he didn’t have to fear life. Derek nodded understanding. He knew the bite would make Isaac life a little better give him more power to become a strong and independent person.

Isaac also told Derek that he wasn’t afraid to die and that made him frown. He didn’t hear any panic or little spike in his heart beat only the constant sound of his heart beating. Slow and steady. “I… I…” Derek was at a loss of words the boy may not fear death, but Derek wasn’t exactly sure where they go after death. He didn’t know if they went to heaven or maybe some kind of werewolf purgatory. He was quiet for a few minutes before he spoke up again “I am not sure where we go when we die.” Derek told him. “I am not ready to let you die, Isaac. I can’t…” he said with a shake of the head. “I am not losing you with out a fight and you are going to fight.” he told him. “You were happy to receive the bite and not be scared to live life… You have more life to live, Isaac. You are not dying right here and now I won’t allow it.” Derek knew ordering him not to die wouldn’t work, “So I am going to try to stitch you up and see if you heal.” Derek said trying to loop the thread threw the needle. Derek dipped the needle in the booze before lighting it to sterilize it.

“You are like family to me. I lost enough people. I can’t lose you too.” Derek had actually said it. A few minutes ago he’d have never thought them words would escape his lips. He didn’t want them to know he needed them as much as they needed him. Derek wanted to be strong, but he had to make the Beta who wasn’t scared to die see that he needed him… Isaac was the one that seemed to put him in his place some times when he pushes them to hard and perhaps that was because they were close. Derek was probably closer to him then he was most of the others… And he wasn’t ready to lose that. He had to trigger the boys healing. Was it his fear of his dreams keeping him from healing? “I want you to have more of a life there is so much more out there for you to see. For you to love… For you to be happy about. You haven’t even reached your twenty first birthdays yet.” Derek would do his best to keep them all alive to reach that bench mark of fun.

He never got to celebrate like most humans, but he wanted them to get there. He wanted them to graduate and sure them going to college scares him to death, but he wants them to graduate and have decent lives. He got everything ready and waited for Isaac to be okay with it before he tried anything. He Didn’t want to hurt him, but he didn’t want him dying either and He got an honest confession out of Derek. There were no jumps in his heart beat. If there had been Isaac would have heard it. Derek is a sucky liar. Once he’d sewn Isaac’s wounds he’d let the boy rest and would be able to say that he tried to save him in which Derek would have tried his best to save him. Derek tried to give him a lot of reasons why he should live. Would he fight or was he still not afraid to die?



Notes : let me know if anything needs changing lovely. Derek really is stubborn..and he totally does want them to all enjoy them things he never really got to do.

[Isaac Lahey]

Where do we go from here?
Why's my heart filled with so much fear?
When all that you are is all I need and more



- - - - - - - - - - - -

Isaac really felt like he could trust Derek. It was a weird feeling, after feeling like he was utterly alone for so long. But he was actually quite grateful for. It was the reason why he was here. As much as he acted all high and mighty. Like nothing bothered him. The he put up a wall that made him seem like a jerk. He was still slightly fragile and pathetic. He was pretty much an eagar to please puppy.

He watched Derek rummage. He didn't know why he felt so tired. He had been wide awake before. But sleep seemed good. But he still felt the need to just watch Derek. He wondered, quite honestly, what Derek was going to do. Isaac didn't have a clue what to do. He couldn't fix it. He couldn't fix anything. He was just useless. He honestly didn't understand why he was still taking up space.

A lump formed in his throat when Derek spoke, a weight settling in his stomach. He fought the urge to sleep as he just listened. He just remained quiet. He was too tired to even talk. But his mind clung to the words. Derek. He owed Derek. He owed him so much. He rescued him. Gave him a home. He pretty much owed his life to Derek, as he was sure he probably would have been dead by now. If his dad hadn't killed him, he probably would have found the strength to just off himself.

His eyes closed as sleep threatened to overtake him. However, his nose scrunched up and he cracked open an eye. "I'm tired, Der. Can't we just go to bed?" He mumbled the words. "Come near me with that needle and I swear I'll bite your arm off and never forgive you." There was a skip in heartbeat. He honestly couldn't go the rest of his life being mad at Derek.

"Just want to sleep." His throat was scratchy and he coughed to clear it. But the rest of his wounds stopped spewing out black blood. They actually started to heal.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTES: Blargh. Tired of ubberly long posts. My migraine made me cut the length down.
MUSIC: "Starlight" - The Wailin' Jennys

[Derek Hale]

Derek was stubborn and he wasn’t going to lose someone else in his life he couldn’t take that hit. If it was himself yeah, he could take that hit. He would die trying to do something right for once in his life or something. He’d die for any one of them. He tried to tell Isaac that he needed him and that probably was the closest thing to an ‘I love you any of his betas would get from him’. He did love his Beta’s they were his own little make shift family and all thought they can’t replace the family he has lost they fill a certain other space in his heart that he tends to usually hide behind solid steel walls.

Sleepiness radiated off Isaac just as the smell of death did. He was losing him or at least that is what Derek thought as he rummaged to find things he had to sew the boy up, and talked on. Yeah this has probably been the most Derek has rambled to someone in a long time. Has he talked Isaac to the point that he wanted to sleep? That would be a new one on Derek, but he meant the things that he said. His eyes kept closing and Derek wanted to shake him and tell him no he cannot sleep yet.

Derek had everything ready to sew him up, when Isaac eyes peeked opened and he whined again that he was tired and asked if they could go to bed. It wasn‘t until Isaac actually said something that Derek spoke. “No… not yet.” he told the boy. Isaac then threatened him that he’d bite off his arm if he came near him with that needle and would never forgive him. “That is a lie, Isaac.” He heard that little bleep in his heart. “Besides you wouldn’t be able to get to my arm fast enough to bite it off.” He was being a wise arse now knowing that Isaac is far too tired for that and too weak. He needed rest. Derek knew that too, but with the black blood, he wanted to make sure them wounds healed.

He had mentioned he just wanted to sleep again, and coughed to clear his throat and Derek arched a brow, the wounds now started to heal and he was shocked. Why were they not healing before now? Did Isaac need to hear he was needed? Was his father in his nightmares and that hate causing him not to heal? Was it them that made Isaac feel as if he were a waste of life or something? Was that all it took to trigger the healing process? because he was needed. They'd all be sad if he died. It would hit Derek the hardest too. Isaac was ready to die and didn’t think it would be so bad. “Isaac you’re healing, now.  No need for the needle.” He stated. He wasn’t sure if the boy could feel it or not being sleepy. “Now you can go to sleep.” Derek said sighing with relief that he was healing. The smell of death was slowly melting away.

Derek put everything away, before heading over to the bed and wrapping Isaac up in the blankets, he’d need them more then Derek himself would. Derek plopped onto the other side of the bed, grabbing a book off his table-side to read. He wasn’t going to sleep just yet. He wanted to make sure Isaac would fully be okay first. “Don’t scare me like that again.” He whispered. He didn’t want any of them to scare him to this point of black blood oozing and being near death.

[Isaac Lahey]

Where do we go from here?
Why's my heart filled with so much fear?
When all that you are is all I need and more



- - - - - - - - - - - -

Isaac just felt tired. It was more than he had ever felt before. It was like he could just sleep and never wake. His body was exhausted, his mind was exhausted. And he was completely tired of just fighting it. He just wanted to sleep. But, of course, Derek told him he couldn't. So he just growled at the words, especially when Derek said he wouldn't be fast enough to bite the Alpha's arm off. It was the only effort he could give to show he was paying attention. Well, of course, other than listen.

Isaac let out a huff of air, staring at Derek when he said no needles. "Good." He hated them anyway. He couldn't even begin to tell you why. It was just some fear he carried with him and he doubted anyone would understand. But he was relieved to hear that he could sleep. It was all he really just wanted to do.

The teen curled into the blanket, sniffing them. A content sigh escaped his lips as the smell of Derek, the smell of safety, protection, comfort, trust, and love wrapped around him to keep him warmer than the blankets. But he heard the whispered words loud and clear. "Sorry," he muttered. Sleep threatening to overtake him. "Thank you." His words slurred together as he tried to fight falling asleep. He'd slip into sleeping for a second before snapping awake.

But he wanted to thank Derek. He couldn't exactly remember ever doing so before. Thanking Derek for offering him the bite. Thank him for giving him it. Thank him for giving him a new family. He really did treasure it all. Really did appreciate everything. He wanted to thank Derek for not giving up on him like his dad would. For putting up with him. And, most of all, Isaac wanted to thank Derek for continuously saving him.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTES: Blargh. This is satisfying to my ship. (Especially since AO3 has no new Disaac fics)
MUSIC: "Tell Mama" - The Civil Wars

[Derek Hale]

Derek knew what it was like to be to that point of exhaustion and wanting to sleep, but he didn’t want to let him sleep when he was like that until he started healing. He noticed the growl that escaped from Isaac when he was told he couldn’t sleep yet and that he wouldn’t be fast enough to bite off his arm. Derek couldn’t picture it actually happening. A few minutes later, the younger beta started to heal. Isaac huffed out with relief when he was told no needles Derek was glad he didn’t really have to sew him up. He would if he had to, but didn’t want to put him in that much more pain.

Derek nodded, when he said good. He didn’t know Isaac didn’t like needles who does really? Derek wouldn’t push him and ask about it either. Derek had wrapped him up in the blankets making sure he’d stay warm. Warmth would help his wounds heal faster. Sure, the ones made by the alphas would heal slower, but the self-inflicted ones already were pretty much healed up and the smell of death was slowly dispersing. Which was good. He didn’t need anyone bombarding his room asking what that smell was.

Isaac sighed with contentment in the blankets. It made Derek grin a little bit, before settling in with his book. Isaac muttered a sorry after Derek told him not to scare him like that again. “It’s okay,” Derek tried to assure. He just didn’t want things to escalate to the point of almost being dead again if something with the twins at school were to happen. He’d want to know right away… that nagging feeling at the pit of his stomach telling him that he was a failure for not protecting Isaac from this mess. Isaac slurred out a thank you. Sleep was calling him and he really needed some.

Derek arched a brow in confusion.. “ For what?” Was he being thanked for helping him? Derek didn’t need thanking. Taking care of his beta’s is what he is supposed to do. Derek looked at him all curled up in the blankets. “ Sleep, Isaac.” he told him. “Don’t fight it. We can talk later. Sleep you need it..” It meaning that Derek didn’t need the answer for what he was being thanked for right now.

 Derek placed his book on his on his lap, reaching a hand over and running his hand soothingly threw Isaac’s messy curls. It was something Derek’s mother would do after being badly hurt and it seemed to always help the healing process for some reason. That comfort that everything will be okay. He was glad he'd be okay... Derek wished he could talk to his mother though see what he could do to be a better alpha. He was trying the best he could and still that bubbling feeling in the pit of his stomach was there.

Notes : -le gasps - there are no new ones. how mean and evillllllllll.